Life Line
by DreaminDaze
Summary: It's an effort to get words out of his mouth, so Rick keeps it short and quiet, "I trust you Katie."
1. Chapter 1

_I'm sure this has been done many times over. That said, it's such a emotion filled situation I couldn't help myself. Call it too much time on my hands..._

_Set anytime, but before Knockdown _

* * *

The car skids to a stop and Kate is out the door and halfway into her bullet proof vest before Rick can register the movement. By the time he has one foot out of the car, she's unholstered her gun and she's calling back to him, "Stay here Castle"

He rolls his eyes, pulling on his WRITER vest. "_So_ not happening."

But she doesn't see or hear him because she's smashing open the door to the warehouse with her shoulder and the adrenaline pumping through her veins is all consuming. God, she wishes he would just listen to her every now and again. It's not like she has time to handcuff him to the door before every shootout.

Kate barrels her way through the warehouse, footsteps loud on the concrete floor, straining her ears to make out the suspect or backup, or anything but the creepy drip of water. What she hears is Castle, none too gracefully stumbling along behind her.

"Castle." Kate hisses, hoping she sounds as convincing and lethal as this situation could very well become, "get lost."

She doesn't hear what could only be a very petulant squeak from the writer because in the next moment gunshots erupt from just around the corner. Kate flattens herself against the wall just praying _praying_ that Rick is smart enough to do the same.

Rick watches, frozen in fear, as Kate peeks around the corner, gun first, yelling, "NYPD."

He wants to warn her to be careful, but he knows it's better to stay silent, and more than anything he just trusts her. They've done this enough times to know how it will pan out. Kate will swing around the corner, facing the shooter, and after a flurry of loud bangs and shouts, that have Rick wide eyed and scared, everything will fall silent. For a few seconds, he'll resist the urge to walk around the corner, just in case he sees her lying there dead instead of looking back at him, a successful gleam in her eyes and a sexy swagger in her hips. But she always comes back, safe and sound, if not completely whole.

Today it takes longer than usual. It seems like forever until the gunshots fall silent, with only a faint smell of gunpowder in the air remaining. Rick can't wait anymore, so he rounds the corner and his eyes fall on the deadly sight.

The first thing he notices is Kate, chest heaving and breathing heavily, but alive, like always. His Kate. The next thing he sees is the two bodies on the ground. Two bodies and two guns. The next thing he does is reach out and wrap her in a tight hug.

"Got 'em Becks." He says their catch phrase as he feels her arms tighten around his neck.

This has become routine as well. A tight hug that speaks of almost more than friends and partners after a near miss like this one. It's as much for her as it is for him, because even though she never admits it, Castle's solid form is just enough to bring her back to earth.

And the nickname. Well, that would be unforgivable under regular circumstances, but Kate lets it pass, just for these hugs.

Still, she pinches his cheek and says, "Call me that again and Ryan and Esposito are hearing about what your favourite colour _really_ is."

Rick is about to make his retort – _real men wear purple_ - but he doesn't get the chance. Out of the corner of his eye, he sees one of the men on the ground stir. In horror, he watches the man reach for his fallen gun, grimacing as blood from the expert shot in the chest spilled out.

It happens in the blink of an eye. The man raises the gun and points it squarely at Kate's back, a determined smile on his face. Castle tries to warn her, he tries to detangle himself from her arms so he can at least get her out of the way, but for once Kate is holding on too tight and most of all there's just _no time._

So he spins them both around, crushing her body closer to his and squeezing his eyes tight.

* * *

She knows something is wrong. From the moment his body tenses and his breathing stops, she knows their relieved moment from before has passed. Something is _wrong._ When he jerks them both around and the pressure of his arms around her increases, she knows that 'wrong' is not wrong enough a word.

A single gunshot rings out and Rick goes limp in Kate's arms. Her eyes widen as she staggers under his weight.

"Castle!" She's never heard her voice sounding so scared before, never. "No, no, no, no, Castle!"

With considerable difficulty, she lowers them both to the ground. She sits on the concrete, pulling his upper body onto her lap. When Kate slides her hand under his back, she finds the bullet wound easily. Wide, gaping, and slippery with blood. His eyes are closed.

Kate shakes him as much as she can stand to. "Castle? Stay with me, Castle. Help is on the way." She jostles his shoulder, "Do you hear me?

It's an effort to get words out of his mouth, so he keeps it short and quiet. "I trust you Katie."

She chokes back her own tears and fumbles for the cell phone at her hip. Her hand brushes her gun. If only she'd shot a couple more times, been a little more accurate, a little surer…

_Focus on Castle._

Her fingers fumble as she dials an emergency number, but she didn't need to bother. Half a minute later, the cavalry is teeming through the door and Kate almost collapses with relief when she sees the paramedics, carrying supplies and a stretcher.

"See Castle?" She whispers frantically, in an effort to keep his eyelids fluttering. "You're gonna be alright."

Strong arms lift Rick from her lap, affix an oxygen mask to his face and carry him away.

Kate stands up on shaky legs, barely noticing the blood soaking through her clothes from waist to mid-thigh. She's about to leave the crime scene to the rookies to clean up when she stops in her tracks and turns around.

She stares down at the two men on the floor. They are still, non-threatening, and they can't hurt her, but she pulls her gun out anyways, squaring her shoulders and holding it up without shaking.

_How dare they shoot Rick? How could they?_

Kate pulls the trigger once and the sound is much too loud in the echoing chasm.

She pulls the trigger again, and this time it's not too bad.

Blood spreads out on the shooter's abdomen, and then his head. She empties her clip, making sure to put some extra bullets in the other man as well.

Kate doesn't notice when the silent tears start falling down her face.

But she knows that these men are never gonna touch Richard Castle ever again.

* * *

_Eek. I really didn't mean for it to end up so creepy. Please don't think badly of Kate. Uh, or me. _

_I told myself that if I got enough reviews, I'd continue this one, but I also think that this is just dramatic enough that it's a good place to end. Either way, I love reviews :) *hint, hint*_

_On another note, I don't know Kate's opinion on being called 'Katie', but I'm sure she's mentioned it once. Anyone care to clue me in? _


	2. Chapter 2

_For the purposes of this story, Gina and Josh are still very much around. _

_I certainly don't own, or control, anything. A bit of bad language in this one. _

_

* * *

_

Kate sits numbly in the hospital waiting room. Someone has taken her blood stained clothes and she's wearing a pair of dark blue scrubs instead. With her knees tucked up into that uncomfortable chair and the blank look in her eyes, she looks not unlike a doctor after a double shift.

Goosebumps start to erupt on her skin and she rubs her arms in an effort to keep warm. Someone drops a heavy coat on her shoulders and for a second, Kate imagines it's Rick. She thinks of all those times he's showed up in the precinct after everyone but Kate is gone to wrap his coat around her and feels an unbelievable pang of sadness. Kate takes a deep breath, reminds herself that Rick is _not_ dead and looks up for the first time in hours.

Captain Montgomery gives her a small smile. "I need your gun, Beckett."

She nods and hands it to him without a word.

"How many shots did you fire?" Kate can hear the confusion in his voice. That gun is lighter than it should be.

"All of them."

"To take down two suspects?"

Kate nods again, offering no explanation or reasoning. Captain Montgomery gives her a worried look before retreating to the cops' corner of the waiting room, where Ryan and Esposito are crushing coffee cups in their hands, legs jittering nervously. Kate doesn't want to join them – doesn't want to see the look in their eyes, blaming her without meaning to.

For a second, Kate's eyes travel to another corner of the waiting room, but she tears them away as soon as possible to prevent tears from welling. Alexis is sitting there, scared and quiet, holding tightly to Martha's hand. Gina is there as well, hands clasped nervously together. All of them show the tell-tale signs of crying, complete with puffy red eyes and tear tracks. _They've got the right to cry,_ Kate thinks, _they're his family. His girlfriend, his daughter, and his mother. I'm just his partner._

The thought burns its way through her heart.

"Get some sleep Beckett," Lanie sighs, sitting next to her, "worrying's not gonna help him."

Beckett turns to her best friend, a lie at the tip of her tongue. _I'm fine. I couldn't sleep anyway._

But what comes out instead is the truth, "It's my fault he's in there Lanie."

The ME shakes her head and surveys her best friend worriedly, "Castle knew what he was getting into. Even signed a damn waiver with the city. Working with you, it was risky, and he knew that."

"No." Kate emphasizes, suddenly _needing_ to make her understand. "Castle didn't just get shot. He got shot protecting me, because I didn't do my fucking job properly."

"Kate…"

"They weren't dead Lanie." In a pained whisper, Kate spills her story, "I thought they were, and I let Castle hug me, and the one who survived picked up his gun… Rick saw, I didn't..."

Her voice caught in her throat, so Lanie finished for her, "… and he took the bullet."

Kate drew her bottom lip between her teeth and gave a wavering nod. "So you see, it _was_ my fault."

"Blaming yourself ain't gonna do any good." Lanie says wisely.

"Someone's gotta be blamed," Kate protests quietly, "… and it might as well be me."

"Why?"

She runs a frustrated hand through her hair, "Because maybe then it won't be crazy to be feeling the way I am."

Lanie puts a calming hand on her friend's arm, "Sweetie, what exactly are you feeling?"

She has to think before answering, because what she's been feeling since she set foot in this hospital is just so foreign and _so unnerving_ that it's hard to put into words even for herself. It's a strange mixture of the expected fear, guilt, and nerves, and that alone would've been enough for one person. But it's a much more terrifying feeling that's dominating Kate. It's something like sorrow and emptiness, as though something very important has been ripped away. She feels so alone.

By the time Kate is finished articulating all of this to Lanie, her friend has a knowing smile on her face. "Kate." Lanie traps Kate's hands with her own and gives her a meaningful look. "You girl, are in love with Richard Castle."

Kate's mind reels with shock, then disbelief, then worry. Unable to find words, she just shakes her head.

"You can't tell me you haven't thought of it before." Lanie presses.

A long moment later, Kate replies reluctantly, "I guess I have, just once, before the summer, but…" Her eyes travel toward Gina and then dip back down to the floor.

"That's not the only thing…" Lanie says quietly.

Kate understands in a flash, and for the first time in hours, she isn't thinking about Rick on the operating table. Here is something she can do. Something she has to do. She turns to Lanie and asks hurriedly, "How long until the surgery's done?"

Taken aback, Lanie answers, "At least three more hours… Why?"

Kate is up on her feet before Lanie's finished asking her question. The Captain's jacket falls to the floor with a heavy swoosh as she makes a beeline for the sliding doors out of the surgical wing.

* * *

Kate chews on her lip nervously, pacing on his floor, her footsteps making an ominous echoing sound in his empty apartment. This was crazy. She sat down on his couch and tried to talk herself out of what she was about to do.

Josh is good. Josh is a doctor, and he shares her 'save people' mentality. Josh would never hurt her. Sure, he's a little too cocky – not in the endearing way Rick is - kisses a little too hard, and he holds her hand in a way that drives her crazy – protective bordering on the possessive – but she can learn to love him. If there wasn't Rick. Rick with his playful smile. Rick who would never kiss her too hard or hold her any way she doesn't like. If there wasn't Rick, in time, Kate truly believed she would learn to love Josh.

But there is Rick. And that really is the end of any decision to make.

"What are you doing here?"

She's been so caught up in her thoughts, she didn't even notice Josh unlock the door and walk into the apartment. "Hey Josh."

A wide grin spreads across his face as he tosses his keys aside and sinks down onto the couch beside her. He takes a second to look her up and down, taking in the hospital issue dark scrubs. "Wow, Katie, you look like me."

She feels a flash of annoyance at the nickname, but decides to let it go. It'll all be over in a few minutes.

When she doesn't speak, Josh frowns, "What happened?"

His worried question is a stark reminder of why she's here, and why Rick isn't. Tears threaten to fall. Kate answers around the burning in her eyes, "Rick got shot today."

"Rick?" Her boyfriend asks.

_Oh right._ Josh and Rick have only met once, and for most of that encounter, Rick had been glaring daggers at the heart surgeon rather than introducing himself. She hastens to explain, "Richard Castle, the novelist. He's been shadowing me at work…"

Realization dawns on Josh's handsome features. Features that Kate had once convinced herself she couldn't get enough of, after a certain writer skipped town. The thought brings an unexpected pang of sadness.

"Oh, writer boy." He says.

The sadness is gone and replaced once again with annoyance. "_Man_" she corrects, "Writer man."

"Okay," Josh agrees. He reaches out and hugs her, no more questions asked. "I'm so sorry baby."

She lets him hug her for a brief moment, but then she draws back to keep from getting too comfortable. She hopes he can't hear her voice shaking. "It kind of got me thinking. What are we doing here, Josh?"

He frowns. "What are you talking about?"

"I mean. I like you, Josh. I do, but…"

He puts a finger over her lips, stopping the words before they can slip out. "Shh, you're not thinking straight, you just need sleep." He attempts to get up and lead her to the bedroom, but when he sees the determined glint in her eyes, he knows it's futile.

Instead, Josh tries a different tactic. "We're dating, Kate. And I don't know about you, but it's been the greatest months of my life, being with you. I really _really_ like you; spending time with you, taking care of you…"

His words break her heart. Here was a great man, who had everything going for him, who said all the right things. Who just wasn't Rick.

"I really like you too." She answers honestly, "... but just, not enough."

His voice drops to a whisper, "What are you saying?"

It takes her a moment to answer, and this time she's _sure_ he can hear the tremor in her voice. "We're good together, Josh. But... I think we both know that we don't have a forever thing."

Kate thinks he finally understands what she's been getting at when his eyes darken to obsidian. "And you think, that you and Castle, have a _forever _thing?"

That's the whole question isn't it? Kate rakes a hand through her hair and finally answers, "I don't know. Maybe."

"How long?" He demands, hiding pain behind a gruff façade.

"I don't know." She says again, "Maybe since before we met. Maybe since his first book."

He lets out a short breath and looks away from her, "you should've told me."

"Josh. I am so_ so_ sorry." And she means it. She's never been so sorry to break someone's heart, ever. "I'd ask if we can stay friends but I've always hated that phrase so… it's up to you."

Kate watches the anger in his face slowly change to sadness, then acceptance. When he looks at her, she thinks she can sense the emotion behind his eyes. Gently, ever so gently, he slides his hands up her face and kisses her. He's never kissed her so softly before and it lacks the passion it usually has. Kate understands. _Goodbye kiss._

"Take care of yourself, Kate." He gives her one final look before disappearing back into his bedroom.

She takes a moment to compose herself, for her racing heart to calm the heck down, before letting herself out of his apartment silently. There's somewhere else she has to be. When the door snaps shut behind her with a quiet click, it resounds as finality in her head. She knows she'll never be back.

* * *

_There doesn't seem to be much interest in this story... so I'd really appreciate a review or pm to let me know if you guys are reading this... plus, you know, reviews = love. _

_I'd always wanted to write a scene where Kate finally breaks up with Josh. There are several versions in my head, ranging from 'angry blow up' to tears and whatnot. I'd love your opinions on how this one panned out. _


	3. Chapter 3

_I tried to wrap things up in this chapter but I couldn't. Kate and Rick don't exactly scream smooth ride. I still don't own them. _

_Your support in the last chapter blew me away. Thanks to all.

* * *

_

When Kate walks back into the emergency room a while later, it's to a much calmer environment. The chatter of nurses and the hustle and bustle of busy doctors have died down. She stands hesitantly at the door surveying the waiting room, and mostly just trying to stop the overwhelming guilt and worry from swallowing her again. It's a struggle. Being back here reminds her of what she's managed to escape for the last two hours. Rick is in surgery; Rick is still in danger.

Lanie has fallen asleep, her head balanced on Javier's shoulder. Kate can practically see the restraint he's employing to stop from wrapping his arms around her. For a second, despite everything, she suppresses a smile. The ME still thinks she has a secret under her belt.

As she walks into the room, Kevin gives her a small, tired smile, which Kate returns wearily.

The only other people in the room are Martha and Alexis, who are still maintaining a silent vigil, eyes wide open.

Gina isn't there.

Relief wells in Kate before she can stop it and a moment later she feels disgusted with herself. What kind of person is _glad_ when the girlfriend of someone who's in surgery is nowhere to be found? _Someone who's in love with that other someone in surgery, _Kate's subconscious answers. _It's not easy watching her cry and keeping your own tears from falling. _

Taking a deep breath, Kate sits next to Alexis and asks, "Have you heard anything?"

Alexis shakes her head and looks at Kate. "You look better…"

"Couldn't stay in scrubs forever…" Kate can't miss the frigid tone of the teenager's voice. She can tell that even if everyone else forgives her, Alexis doesn't. Alexis, no matter how mature and how responsible, is a child, and the man who is hurt is her daddy. That's all. "Where's Gina?" Kate asks softly.

"Uh, she and Captain Montgomery and preparing a statement for the press. They won't leave until they get their pound of flesh."

Kate reaches out and takes her hand, squeezing in what she hopes is a reassuring way. "He's going to be okay."

There is an awkward pause.

"Fifteen hundred." Alexis mutters, without looking at Kate. "That's how many people died from gunshots last year in the city. Fifteen hundred."

Kate nods somberly, and Alexis lets go of her hand suddenly, "I _just_ want to know my dad's okay." She whispers.

"Me too, Al."

* * *

The surgeon sighs with exhaustion, sweeping off his scrub cap and pushing down the surgical mask. It's been a long night. Dr. Francis hates nights like these, when the patient on the table has a horde of worried people, _family,_ waiting outside. It makes it too difficult to compartmentalize, to put away human feelings because it's necessary. Of course, the fact that he's a renowned author didn't help matters either.

"Mr. Castle's family?" Dr. Francis calls into the waiting room. His eyes widen when 5 people snap to action and surround him in seconds. "I'm Dr. Francis, I operated on Mr. Castle earlier tonight."

"How is he?" a tall brunette demands.

There is protocol to be followed. "Are you family?"

Esposito flashes his badge, "No, but we're the NYPD, so whatever you know doc, you should tell us right now."

"I'm his mother," Martha says, putting a hand on Esposito's chest to stop him from overexciting himself, "and to answer your question, yes, we are _all_ family."

Dr. Francis nods his understanding. Cops and mothers, the two who could never take no for an answer. "Mr. Castle sustained a gunshot wound entering his back in the 4th intercostal space on the right. The bullet ricocheted off his ribs and missed most vital organs, although we did have to repair a tear in his lung, and he sustained a pulmonary embolism during the surgery…"

"Evan." Lanie interjects, "English.

"Right, sorry Lanie." The doctor cracks a smile, Lanie Parish is well known throughout the hospital, and when she means business, she _means_ it. Dr. Francis finds and holds the eyes of the first woman who'd spoken to him, as she seemed to need this the most. "He's resting now, and we expect he'll make a full recovery."

An audible sigh permeates the room, as tears appear in Alexis's eyes. "You couldn't have led with that?"

"You must be his daughter," the doctor adds, "do you want to see him?"

Alexis nods and accompanies the doctor down the hall, Martha following quickly. Kate wants more than anything to follow, but she hangs back. Family first. Instead she tells Lanie, Javier, and Ryan to go home. "It's gonna be okay now," she confirms.

Slowly, they trickle out of the surgical wing, squeezing Kate's shoulder and telling her to get some rest. When they're all gone, she sinks into a chair, which feels 100 times more comfortable now that she knows Richard will be okay. Maybe she can even sleep for a few hours, or just _close her eyes_. A deep fatigue creeps up her spine as she decides that idea is probably the best one she's had all night.

Before Kate can let sleep claim her, she hears a click of high heel shoes making their way toward her, "Where is everyone?" the mysterious voice asks.

Kate opens her eyes, seeing Gina's worried expression, "They went home, Martha and Alexis are with Castle. He's out of the woods."

"Oh thank God."

Relief floods her features and Kate looks on, knowing she'd worn a similar expression not too long ago. She finally understands in that moment that Gina loves Rick too, maybe just as much as Kate knows she does. With a sinking heart, Kate realizes that no matter what happens, someone would walk away broken.

Kate smiles anyways, pointing in the general direction of where she thinks Castle's room is.

Before Gina can take a step, Martha appears in the waiting room again. "Now, why in the world are you both out here?" she asks.

Gina follows right away but Kate hesitates.

Seeing her unease, Martha adds, "_really_ detective?"

"I don't want to intrude." Kate says politely.

"Either go home or get in here and wait for him to wake up with us."

With that, Martha and Gina head towards Rick's room. A few seconds later, Kate follows.

* * *

The room is small, stuffy, and smells unmistakably like antiseptic. Martha and Alexis sit on one side of his bed while Gina grips his hand on the other. Kate leans against the wall, keeping watch of the heart rate monitor. The rhythmic spikes bring her some sort of comfort.

But it doesn't stop her eyes from wandering to the person in the bed.

In one word, Rick looks like _hell_. His skin is pale and there are circles around his eyes. The thin hospital gown doesn't exactly conceal the white bandages around his chest and his eyebrows are knitted together, as though he's frowning. Now, more than any time before, Kate just wants to see his dimpled, lopsided, heart-stopping grin.

She's never thought of Rick as weak. Sure, he doesn't carry a gun, and his bullet proof vest says WRITER not POLICE, but Kate's always believed him strong, unflappable, stoic. Childish, yes, but grounded and serious when necessary. Now, seeing him lying there, helpless, Kate is reminded that he is just a civilian, who has the influence and money to get a spot as her partner. He's had some lucky breaks, but he isn't trained to deal with situations like today's.

"Kate, would you please stop that? You're making me nervous."

At the sound of Martha's voice, Kate realizes she's moved from her place by the window and is pacing in the small room. She mutters an apology and takes a seat at the foot of his bed, gripping the armrests through swirling thoughts.

She loves Rick. Gina loves Rick. Rick loves who?

Not that it should matter. Kate knows what she should do, and it's to back out. There are no complications for Gina and Rick. They can be together. They _have_ been together. But for her and Rick, there is so much in their way. The possibility of losing their friendship, the possibility of not being able to work together, the possibility of their _forever thing_ blowing up in both their faces.

Before she can work through the conflicting emotions, the loving him and knowing she shouldn't, Rick starts to stir. At his first quiet moan of discomfort and shifting of the bed sheets, all four of them are on their feet.

"Ricky?" Gina's says tearfully, taking hold of his hand as his eyes struggle to open. "I'm here, baby."

He lets out a hoarse breath and his eyes suddenly squeeze shut. They lean in to hear him whispering, "Watch out, watch out…"

"What's he talking about?" Gina whispers, as Rick continues to hover fitfully between awake and asleep.

They all shake their heads, listening closely as another pained gasp escapes his lips, "careful!"

It hits Kate very suddenly. He's still there, in that warehouse, facing the barrel of a gun and wondering what to do. It occurs to her that in his dream, he's talking to her, warning her. Once again, Kate has to bite back tears.

"I love you, Rick." Gina admits, "Can you hear me? You're safe. I love you."

His eyelids relax immediately, and Kate thinks she can see the corner of his lips turn in a small smile as he gives an imperceptible nod. Gina seems to notice as well, and her grip on his hand slacks.

Rick's breathing deepens again, as though he's about to fall asleep, but not before he squeezes Gina's hand in response to her words and mumbles, "Kate…" He seems to smile again, "… Kate."

Disbelief, then shock, then anger flit across Gina's face. She lets go of her boyfriend's hand as though it had burned her and takes a few hasty steps back. Then, her eyes fixate on Kate, who's still frozen in place, eyes never leaving Rick, the words he said reverberating in her head. It was just her name, but it was so much more.

She snaps out of her stupor when Gina knocks into her shoulder on her way out the door. Alexis stares after her, but makes no move to leave her father. When she looks at Kate, Kate doesn't detect the same animosity displayed by Gina, simply confusion.

"Gina, wait!" Kate jogs to catch up to her, and finds Gina halfway across the waiting room, "Please, just wait!"

Gina spins around, angry tears in her eyes, and points at Kate accusingly, "How long have you been sleeping with him?"

Kate is taken aback, but responds slowly and clearly, "nothing has happened between me and Castle."

She shakes her head disbelievingly, scathingly. "Then am I hearing things? Because I'm pretty sure he just called _your name_ and I'm also pretty sure that's not supposed to happen."

"I don't know why he did that. You have to believe me, we're just friends."

"He took that bullet for _you._" Gina shoots back, "that doesn't sound like friends."

No, it doesn't. It isn't, but Kate says anyway, "friends and partners. Partners do that sometimes." _That the best you got, Beckett?_

Gina, for one, thinks it's not enough, and she lets out an angry laugh, "I should've seen this coming." She raved, "It was right in front of me and I - missed it."

"Gina…"

"He's in _love _with you."

"No." Kate shakes her head.

Gina scoffs, "I've seen the way he looks at you, the way he talks about you, all the time he spends with you… He's… never been like that with me," she realizes quietly, "and I - am such an _idiot._"

Kate doesn't know what to say so she stays silent.

"Tell Rick to take care of himself." Gina says bitterly, and then she's gone.

* * *

Alexis Castle watches the exchange between her father's girlfriend and the detective she's come to look up to as a mentor. She listens to their heated words; well Gina's heated words, and Detective Beckett's quiet denial. To put it lightly, her world is shaken.

She likes Gina. As much as a teenage daughter can like her father's girlfriend, Alexis likes Gina. But she could never shake the feeling that Gina was _all wrong_ for her dad, since the very first time she'd bought Alexis that doll with the creepy eyes.

And Kate. Well, Kate was special. Kate excited her dad, kept him busy, kept him inspired, and kept him grounded all at once. Kate was different from anyone else her dad, or Alexis, has ever known. A good different.

As Alexis watched Kate sink into a chair, a stunned look on her face as she watched Gina leave, she couldn't help the feeling that something was about to change; that when her dad woke up for good, he wouldn't be the same, nothing would be.

* * *

_More reviews = faster update. It's really that simple. _


	4. Chapter 4

_This chapter so did not end where I planned it would, but here it is anyways..._

_I'm so grateful for all your feedback, and if I had time to personally respond to all of you, I totally would. Thanks!

* * *

_

The lights are too bright. The sounds are muffled and his mind foggy, but most of all the lights blind him. A deep breath gets stuck halfway and turns into a cough, while concerned hands grip his. _Where am I?_

It feels like limbo, Rick muses, or whatever limbo could be reasonably assumed to feel like. Sensory deprivation. He can't feel anything but the small, warm hand in his. Finding strength somewhere deep down, he squeezes the hand a little tighter and hears a sharp intake of breath next to him.

One eye opens a crack. White walls, white curtains, white bedspread. The other eye opens and a forced, deep breath in ends in red hot pain.

"Daddy?" The scared voice brings him closer to consciousness. His eyes open completely and he looks around, dazed.

Rick swallows and pries his tongue from the roof of his mouth, attempting to articulate real words, "Alexis?"

His daughter stares back with tears in her eyes. "Are you feeling alright? Do you want some water, or food, or a nurse - I should call the nurse." She gets up, eyes darting between her dad and all the medical equipment nervously.

"I think - I'm good," Rick says haltingly. He tries to sit up, and finds himself unable to. "Could you maybe move the bed up?"

Alexis smiles for the first time in what feels like days, "Gram, he's awake!"

As Martha gets up out of the chair she's been dozing in and walks up to Rick's bedside, Alexis finds the switch by the side of the bed. A whirring electronic noise brings Rick into a semi-sitting position.

"What happened?" He asks groggily.

"You don't remember?" Martha asks, "You and Detective Beckett were out on one of those horribly, dangerous jobs and… " her voice falters, "you got shot."

His eyes widen from surprise, but not because he doesn't remember the shooting. He does. "I thought for sure I would've died," his hands travel over the bandages around his chest, "I can't believe I'm still here."

"You thought you would've died and you did it anyway?" Martha demands, "what is _wrong_ with you?"

Rick says nothing and Alexis gives him a sharp look, "don't you ever do that again." She says sternly.

He smiles at her, the first sign of her dad again, and says sheepishly, "yes, dear."

After a few moments he asks, "Where's Detective Beckett anyways?"

Alexis and Martha exchange a significant look. Rick was supposed to ask about Gina, his girlfriend, the woman he apparently loved. Waking up from surgery, she was supposed to be the first one he asks about, the first one whose safety and happiness he worries about, after the two of them of course. So why, was the enigmatic detective his first concern?

"Outside in the waiting room," Martha admits softly. In fact, the detective hadn't moved since Gina's abrupt departure, "I'll go get her."

Rick nods thankfully, and Alexis sits down on the edge of her father's bed, "Can I ask you something? If you're not too tired…"

"Anything."

"Do you love her? Detective Beckett, I mean. Or do you love Gina?"

Through tired eyes, Richard Castle surveys his daughter. He's always been able to lie, to anyone. Through his books, in his relationships, he's always been able to lie. But not to Alexis. Not to Kate either, but that was another matter. "I love them both." He answers.

"But who do you love more?" Alexis presses.

He raises a hand a runs a finger down her cheek, like he used to when she was younger, "There's different types of love. Like how I love you and Gram and…"

"And…?"

"And then there's loving someone because you've known them so long and you're so _comfortable_ with them that you don't want to let go. Loving the familiarity and the safety in what's ordinary, you know?"

Alexis nods, "That's how you love Gina."

Rick nods too, then adds, with a faraway look on his face, "And then there's loving someone for exactly the opposite reason. They amaze you. They're so _extraordinary_ that they keep you on your feet, make the world brighter, you know? You can't stop thinking about them and how they make you feel, and you just wanna be around them... That's how I love Kate."

"And how I love Ashley."

"Yeah. Isn't it amazing?"

They sit in silence for a minute, until Alexis asks, "How come you aren't with Kate then? If extraordinary is better than ordinary, why aren't you and her together?"

He smiles a sad smile, "Ordinary is easy, extraordinary is hard."

She nods, sensing an end to this heart to heart. "Do you think she's worth the trouble?"

When her father doesn't say anything, Alexis knows how deep her dad's feelings run for the detective. She looks over, seeing his eyes closed and thinking he's fallen asleep.

Smiling, Alexis tucks the blanket tighter and is about to get up when she hears, "Can you pass the pudding?"

* * *

When Martha reentered that darned waiting room, she spots Kate immediately. She was sitting in a chair, cross-legged, feet tucked up beneath her. She has her arms around her knees and her eyes were wide open, almost like she's in a trance. Occasionally, Kate would draw her bottom lip in between her teeth in a pensive way. Martha thinks her eyes look like they're ringed with pink.

The older woman sits next to the troubled detective and quietly says, "Richard is awake."

Her eyes dart over in alarm, the first sign of consciousness she's shown in hours. Her heart beats a staccato in her chest. As much as she's longed to see his smile the past few hours, hear his laugh and his words that always managed to sooth her frayed nerves, now that he is awake, walking into that room seems a gargantuan task. There's so much she wants to tell him. She wants to speak eloquently about her feelings for him, apologize for getting him shot and she wants to sit down with him and seriously discuss their future. But all of that depends on her getting up and facing him.

"Is he?" She asks needlessly, nodding slowly and not looking at Martha.

"Yes, and he would like to see you." Before she's finished, Martha sees Kate start to shake her head, "What?"

"Well what am I supposed to say to him?" Kate chokes out, "'I'm sorry it's my fault you got shot, and that you could've died, and that your stable relationship is no more. Oh and by the way, I think I have feelings for you.'?"

"Sounds like a good place to start." Martha remarks.

"I really _am_ sorry," Kate says suddenly, "You and Alexis have every reason to be angry with me. Without me in his life, Castle probably wouldn't uh, _almost die,_ so often."

Martha nods, "You're right. Without you my son would lead a relatively safe life." She puts a hand on the worried detective's arm, "But you're crazy if you think either of us blames you. My son chooses to be with you."

"But-"

"Listen," Martha implores kindly, "You make Richard happier than I've ever seen him. Working on cases with you isn't about gathering research for his books; Lord knows he has enough of that. It's _you_. How can we blame you for making him happy? Even if that happiness is risky."

Tears spring to Kate's eyes, "Thank you."

Martha smiles and gives Kate's shoulder a squeeze, "He's waiting for you…"

* * *

"Castle?" He hears her worried voice and looks up from his pudding. Alexis gives him a significant look.

He calls out, "Over here." Using the bravest voice he's got.

She perches on the edge of his bed, itching to take his hand, but feeling it was all too fast, too soon. She settles for wringing her own hands nervously, "How are you?"

He grins, "Why detective Beckett…"

Suddenly, the mischievous smile from his face disappears and is replaced with a grimace. His eyes close and a hand travels up to the bandages on his chest before his head droops to the side. The heart rate monitor emits a continuous tone.

"Castle?" Kate calls, leaping up and trying to swallow her fear, "no no no, you don't get to do this again. Wake up! Rick?"

Her hands curl around the bed sheets and a single tear has trickled down her cheek before the man in the bed opens his eyes, a childish twinkle appearing. "Gotcha. Nice to hear you call me 'Rick', by the way."

She stares, open mouthed, and gestures none too sanely at the heart rate monitor, "but how…"

"Simple, detective," Castle holds up a small plastic circle, the one used to measure heart rate, and replaces it on his wrist. The monitor emits a steady, rhythmic tone.

She frowns, chewing on her bottom lip, eyebrows knitted together with emotion. For a second, Rick thinks she's going to yell, or hit him, or simply explode, but what she does instead surprises them all. The strong detective sinks down into the chair by his bed, lets her head drop onto his thigh and starts to cry. The choked, heart wrenching sobs that she's managed to suppress until now wipe the smile from his face in an instant.

"I warned him not to." Alexis says to Martha, who's leaning against the doorframe.

"Let's give them a moment." The wise woman replies softly. She and Alexis quietly leave the room.

As soon as they leave, Rick says weakly, "Kate, come on… Kate… I was messing around. I'm sorry."

She doesn't lift her head to look at him, just shakes it fiercely and continues to sob. He tries to reach out to her, stroke her hair, but she's too far away and his range of motion is not yet that wide. He's limited to words only, "Please Kate… I'm fine see?"

When she doesn't move, Rick retrieves the tissue box from the small stand next to his bed. He strains to hand it to her, but he still can't, so instead he throws it lightly. It bounces off her head and lands next to his knee. Rick huffs in frustration, hating that he can do nothing to help her.

As Kate continues to sob into Rick's leg, her hand curls around his knee and he can feel the wetness of her tears seeping through the thin sheets. He wonders how long she's been holding this in, how much it eats at her, and feels an deep pang of sadness. Finally, after what seems like ages, he hears a muffled, "I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault; it's not your fault…" He whispers, "But could you please just… look at me… or at least scoot on a little closer?"

She complies, shifting her chair. It's just enough so that he can run his fingers through his hair, his hand resting at the nape of her neck. The gentleness that is supposed to sooth her only induces stronger sobs. "Don't…" He implores. One hand finds her cheek and he uses it to lift her chin.

Their eyes meet, grey on brown, and with considerable difficulty, he makes a Kate sized space on the side of his bed. Under normal circumstances, she would scoff at the idea, roll her eyes and possibly make a joke of his manliness, but these aren't normal circumstances. She's just spent a good 5 minutes crying in his lap, she hasn't slept in more than a day, and he's just waking from surgery. _Screw it._

Heaving a long sigh, she gets up and settles down next to him, linking one arm around his and resting her head on his shoulder. Silently, she sends thanks to the Powers That Be that the tears seemed to have dried out, at least for now.

"I can't believe you did that," She says after a few minutes, "I can't believe you took a bullet for me…"

He hears a mix of resentment, gratitude and raw tenderness in her voice. At least she's back to being close to Kate again. "Well, I wasn't going to let you take the bullet."

"You can't just jump in front of a gun," she protests.

He smiles, "Technically I didn't jump, and Alexis already lectured me on that."

"Good." And a second later she adds, "I'm the cop. I'm supposed to do the saving."

Feeling brave, he leans over and kisses the top of her head gently. Normally, he expects he'd get a slap in the face, but this is not Detective Beckett in front of him, it's Kate, unguarded Kate, Kate who would let him kiss her head. "Who's gonna save you then?"

She shakes her head, "don't worry about me. That's not your job."

He thinks for a moment, wondering how to get around the red tape she's set up, "What if…" He ventures carefully, "What if I don't worry about Detective Beckett? What if I just worry about Kate?"

"That doesn't even make sense…" Kate protests, but in her weakened state, she can barely keep her eyes open a moment longer, let alone argue with a very _very_ stubborn man.

"Yeah it does." He says simply. Then, because she's falling asleep, her walls are down, and she probably doesn't have the strength to stop him, he leans down and brushes his lips softly against hers.

Kissing Detective Beckett… he's always known kissing Detective Beckett would be mind-blowing, but kissing Kate, he quietly realizes is infinitely better. After making sure she's not pushing him away, he presses his lips on hers again, relishing their softness. She gasps, her mouth opening just enough so that he can capture her bottom lip between his. He knows he should stop, he knows there are all kinds of things they have to clear up before they can be kissing like this, and he knows he's taking advantage.

But kissing Kate…

And feeling her start to kiss him back…

Nothing has ever felt so good in his life, so he latches on, kissing the daylights out of her, kissing her like there isn't going to be any tomorrow – because when the haze of drugs and in her case, guilt mixed with sadness mixed with finally breaking down, wears off in the light of day – there may very well be _no tomorrow._ She may never let him kiss her like this ever again.

There's only right now, when he can kiss Kate Beckett without worrying about anything. He commits her to his memory, everything from the way her lips feel, to the way her hand snakes up his cheek, to the intoxicating smell that is just _Kate_.

When his oxygen deprived brain finally screams at him to pull back, he does. Immediately, he searches her eyes for traces of regret and almost doubles over in gratitude when he finds none.

"I have to tell you something," she whispers quietly.

But Rick can see her eyes starting to flutter shut, her head weighing more heavily on his shoulder. "Tell me tomorrow…" He breathes, "Sleep now."

It's only a few minutes before her breathing has evened out. Whatever she has to say, Rick decides, can wait, especially if that _something_ will undo the delicate thing they've found between them. Tonight, he will pretend like she is his and he – hers.

* * *

_Don't forget to leave a review on your way out! _


	5. Chapter 5

_Yes, I do realize it's been a while. My excuse: being 6 months pregnant with a very temperamental baby. Enough said. _

_Thank you so much for all your feedback, I hope you enjoy this chapter, and remember: reviews are golden!

* * *

_

Rick wakes first the next morning. This time the lights aren't as bad, in fact they'd almost be pleasant if he could get another shot of whatever they'd given him yesterday. He feels tired, expectedly so, but he suspects that a large part of the fatigue is from kissing Kate like he did, rather than resting.

At the thought, a wide grin appears on his face. Kate, who he'd kissed last night. Kate, who is fast asleep, tucked into his side. Waves of peace wash over him, and Rick can't help thinking that this was how it was supposed to be. He is meant to wake up with Kate Beckett next to him for the rest of his life.

He and Kate might not be perfect; in fact, when Rick thinks of all those times they've argued about who should get coffee, who gets to drive, and whose theory is better, he _knows_ they are far from perfect.

_But there's somethin' about her..._ Rick decides, inhaling the scent of her shampoo and forgetting the dull pain in his chest. Maybe imperfection was just what they needed. Maybe what they had together had surpassed fast friends, partners and plucky sidekick years ago. Maybe it'd just taken them that long to realize that he and she had become a them.

The next breath in is accompanied with an unexpected sting in his chest, reminding Rick of his need for more painkillers… and of Gina. He groans. Why can't there be an end to the complicated? It seems like every time things are falling into place; when Kate is about to tell him something, or is lying in his arms, _something_ comes in between them. A smooth ride, well, Richard Castle had never known such a thing.

And yet, in the brilliant light of day, what he had to do was glaringly obvious. He and Kate had waited too long, and he and Gina… they function on a day to day basis, but they aren't _extraordinary_. They are not Richard and Kate.

He realizes that it's never easy, and for him and Gina, never a clean break. She will always be his publisher, the woman he once loved, his daughter's friend… They can't be together, not as long as he has a chance with Kate, with the scary _extraordinary, _he knows that, but Rick hopes they will stay cordial. Either way, to keep holding Kate like he is, and to repeat the kiss that he desperately wants to, he needs to talk to Gina.

"Mornin' Sunshine!" A cheery, southern accented voice fills the room and interrupts Rick's thoughts. He looks to find a stout, motherly looking nurse start to fuss over his IV. She smiles warmly, "How're you feelin', darlin'."

"As well as could be expected," Rick replies, speaking quietly to keep from waking Kate. "How am I supposed to feel?"

She finishes changing the IV drip, "'bout the same as if you'd been mowed down by a car," she informed him, ever the bright, chirpy voice.

"How very comforting. Nurse…"

"Call me Lisa, hon." She surveys him kindly, "and _really_, you look better than you should."

Rick smiles just as he feels Kate start to stir. He tries to surreptitiously hush the nurse, but Kate's eyes are already starting to open. She moans quietly, her grip on his arm tightening.

"Well, good mornin' to you too Mrs. Castle, how're you?" Lisa chirps.

Castle chuckles. He can scarcely imagine the shock to the system this situation must be for Kate. Overnight, she'd gone from elusive, guarded, badass detective, to _Mrs. Castle._ He looks down just soon enough to catch her scandalized expression.

"I'm…." The words 'Detective Beckett NYPD' are about to come out of her mouth, but Kate realizes that as she is - tucked up beside Rick, her arm around his, yawning and barely awake - the words that usually put the fear of God into people would mean next to nothing. "I'm good," she finishes sheepishly.

The nurse smiles widely, "you kids get some rest now…" She pats Rick's leg affectionately, gives Kate a small wink, and leaves the room.

Silence overcomes them for a second. Then, out of nowhere, Kate chuckles softly. Rick glances down at her, surprised, and catches her stifling another laugh with her fist. "What just happened there?" She manages to gasp between giggles.

"I think she thinks we're _married_." The full hilarity of the situation hits Rick too and before either of them realizes, they're consumed with gales of laughter.

Kate wipes an amused tear from her face helplessly. 'I can't… believe it…"

"We'd drive each other crazy," Rick adds.

The next laugh is less funny, because a shot of pain is working its way up his chest. He falls silent, and hopes Kate doesn't notice. She does. _Of course_ she does.

"What's wrong?"

He shakes his head, breathing heavily. His labored breaths fill the room and reverberate in Kate's head. "Rick…?"

"I'm fine." He gives her a smile as though it would prove it. When she continues to look worried, he looks for a way to distract her, "You know, you only call me Rick when you're worried?"

"Then you shouldn't make me worry about you, _Castle._"

"Hey," he says, employing a childish defensive she knows he's only half faking. "All I did was save your life; you did all the worrying on your own."

The innocent comment hits Kate in the wrong place. When once she would've outright denied it, now, what consumes her is an overwhelming guilt. She senses Rick ruffle worriedly next to her.

"Sorry Kate," he whispers, "Don't feel bad, I'm happy to be your knight in shining armor. _Really._"

After a moment she nods. "Castle…" (He registers the renewed use of his surname) "… we really need to talk."

He studies her quizzically, trying hard to suppress the desire to lean over and kiss her like he did last night. Almost immediately, Kate knows what he's trying to do and leans away so that he can't quite reach her.

He acquiesces with a huffy sigh, "'Bout what?" He jokes, "How you jumped me, or how you proceeded to stay the night."

"Seriously."

All jokes aside now, he nods, "Okay."

Kate takes a deep breath and brushes some hair from her face. She realizes that she's too comfortable, lying by his side. She'll never be able to tell him everything she needs to this way. Decision made, Kate gets up and sits on the end of his bed instead, swinging her legs up where her body used to be. Rick pouts.

"Listen Castle," she says, trying not to inject too much hope into her voice. "I don't know if everything is clear for you and your post-surgery kid head but, you kissed me yesterday." A moment's pause. "I mean, you really _kissed _me."

"Yes, detective, I do recall." He grins, "Is that going to be a problem?"

"Oh my _God,_" she groans. "See, this is why this would never work out! You can't take anything seriously." Kate punctuates her every word with a sharp stab at the air, "Every time I try to – God forbid – have a mature _conversation_ with you –"

Rick suppresses a smile as Kate starts to rant, "Okay okay," he sooths, "Which mature conversation would you like to have? The one where I convince you Josh is a big shot jerk, or the one where you tell me Gina's no good. Oh, we could skip that, and jump to the part where I ask you to go to dinner with me, and when I sweep you off your feet across the threshold…"

"Castle."

"I'll have any conversation you want, Kate. Anything that you need to say, that we both already know." He smiles that lopsided smile, "we can skip to any chapter in the book you want, so long as you don't write me out."

Kate just barely catches what he's suggesting – that wherever they go, whatever _chapter_, in his terms, he wants to be there. She has no reason to believe that he's speaking of anything more than friends and partners, only that she already trusts him more than anyone. Maybe that's what bolsters her into saying what she says next.

"How about…" Kate leans forward enough to lean her elbows on her knees. "… We skip to the part where you tell me you love me."

Her voice trails off the near the end of the statement, but Rick is more than happy to comply. "I love you." He states simply. "I love how strong you are. I love the way you twirl your hair in your fingers and chew on your lip when you think. I love your laugh. I love your dedication to the job. I love how much you care with your whole heart. I love everything single thing about you—"

"—that isn't possible." She interrupts, feeling tears well up at his words.

"You're right." He confirms, reaching out to take hold of her hand.

Rick waits for her to look up, and then he waits for her to blink the tears out of her eyes, because he doesn't want things to be blurred when they look back on this moment 20, 30, 40 years from now. He doesn't want her to remember this instant, the one where he finally _finally_ told her _everything, _through a veil of tears. It should – and would – be crystal clear.

When her eyes are dry again, or as much as they could be under the circumstances, Rick continues, "You're right. I hate how stubborn you can be, especially when it comes to me. And I hate how you won't let me take care of you. And I _hate_ that I can't erase the bad stuff that happened to you… but those things made you Kate. And I love Kate, so somehow I love all those things too."

"You're not making sense," She manages to choke out.

Rick shakes his head, and Kate thinks she can see the beginnings of tears forming in the corners of his eyes too, "We don't make sense." He tells her, "we're the strangest couple you could possibly imagine, but _somehow_ we make it work. And we make it pretty damn amazing."

"You're seriously considering this right?" Kate says slowly, "This isn't my sleep deprived, guilt ridden brain making things up to make me feel better?"

He nods earnestly, and then he says a line he'd saved for the end of the Heat series, but that seems fitting now. "If you wanna jump, jump with me. 'Cause I know there's no one else I'd rather fall with."

The next words they say together, "And if you're scared, don't be. I can't promise there isn't an end to the story, but I can promise that I'll get there first, and I'll be waiting." Rick and Kate's hushed voices ring out in perfect unison.

"How did you…?" Rick stares at her in confusion.

It's too late to pretend she isn't overwhelmed, so Kate sneaks a hand up the side of his face. Her heart has taken over and decided not to do things halfway. "We wrote that together. In your loft. For the end of the Nikki books. Remember?"

The memory comes rushing back, the image of them, camped out on the floor, a guitar and a some note paper spread around, bouncing around lines and lyrics, sharing Chinese food. _That_ they both realize, was home. They'd found it a long time ago. It'd just taken this long to recognize it for what it was.

"Well, it's true." Rick says, "What do you say?"

Kate smiles and returns to his side, knowing the hard part is over. "About the jumping?" She considers him, "do you have a parachute?"

He gives her a petulant pout, "that's no fun." To which she rolls her eyes.

"I say okay."

"Really?"

"Really."

Kate inhales and leans her head back onto Rick's shoulder, wondering where this turn of events will take them, feeling some nervous jitters.

"What about Josh?"

"A _lot_ has happened since you were in surgery."

He takes that to mean what he's been hoping – and though he's reluctant to admit it, scheming – for for the last few months. Something deeply like triumph erupts in his heart. Rick doesn't press for details, he really doesn't need to know. All that matters is that Kate is his.

"Oh, and you have to call Gina." Kate reminds him.

Rick groans, "Do I need to be apologetic? Or do I need to be worrying for my life?"

"Probably something closer to the second one."

"What did I do?"

She raises an eyebrow at him, "you'll find out soon enough."

"Heeyyy." He protests, "That's not nice."

Kate grins, "consider it payback for that little stunt with the heart rate monitor you pulled yesterday."

A second of silence passes before them, and then Rick speaks again, "I think you're forgetting something Beckett."

"What?" She studies the peculiar expression on his face, realizing much too quickly what he means, "Oh, do I have to?"

"Absolutely." Rick asserts, "And say it like you mean it."

"I love you."

* * *

_Awwwwwwwwww. Rest assured, the story isn't over. Please leave me a little review, it only takes a second and really makes me happy. :) _


	6. Chapter 6

_A/n: I'm sure most of you thought I forgot about this story entirely. I've been AWOL for what, more than half a year now? I wouldn't blame you if you need to go back to see what the heck's been going on in here... Anyways, while I've been absent from the fanfiction world, my husband and I became parents to a perfect little girl, Amelia. Life has been life. But now that I'm back I hope to update this story at least twice a week, and I have many more planned._

Disclaimer: I own nothing but a continuing desire for sleep.  


_Your feedback, as always is loved and appreciated__. Even something as simple as 'continue!' or 'you should fix this...' _

* * *

They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder. The writer in Rick had never known absence, because any writer always has access to his creations. But the man in Rick… well, that's a different story altogether. Unable to find sleep in that less-than-comfortable hospital bed, Rick lets the memories of the day wash over him like sun warmed waves.

He still gets jitters every time he remembers the words he shared with Kate, his _partner._ Girlfriend?

Soul mate.

_You're so Cheesy. _It didn't really matter, Rick decides, as long as he and Kate can have days like this for centuries to come. He feels childishly cheerful when he thinks of the way they shared ice cream, to the utter dismay of Nurse Lisa, the way they complained good-naturedly about the small, black and white television in his room, and the way she had, almost nervously, kissed him goodbye after he all but forced her to go home and sleep.

Just as Rick's eyes finally start to close, he hears quiet male voice say, "She'll be back."

"What?" he asks blindly, suddenly on high alert again.

"I said, she'll be back," the young doctor repeated. Rick recognizes him as Dr. Chang, who'd checked in on him a few hours after he woke up. The doctor is busy looking around the room and scribbling in a binder "and in the meantime try not to go crazy," he finished with a grin.

"Are you a psychiatrist too?" Rick teases weakly.

"Nope," he replies, "otherwise I'd have better advice than 'don't go crazy'. Good news though, you're recovering great, you'll be out of here before you know it."

"Thanks doc."

Dr. Chang leaves the room, and leaves Rick to his own thoughts. Don't go crazy. It seems simple enough, but not when a certain detective drives the air from your already compromised lungs every time she crosses your mind – which is most of the time. Chagrined, Rick gives in and reaches for the phone. He isn't entirely sure where his cell phone went, but luckily he has Beckett's number committed to permanent memory. He's about to push down the last number when her voice fills his head.

_Oh, and you have to call Gina._

Against his will, Rick's conscience makes its presence known. How could he say all he wanted to Kate, while Gina was still waiting for him to call – and most likely to apologize and to explain? How could he do that to either woman, now that he was conscious enough to make a different choice?

He doesn't know Gina's number, so he has to call the operator and be directed to 3 different Gina's before the voice he's known for over 10 years is on the other line.

"_Hi Rick, surprised to be hearing from you..." _

Her voice isn't angry, but Rick can read its cold, detached quality. "I'm surprised you're not here," Rick counters.

"_I'm sure Kate is there enough for both of us."_

This time there is anger, and bitterness, and an unbelievable amount of pain. Rick had expected to have to explain, and to somehow delicately convey that he'd fallen in love with his mystery of a partner, but in an instant, he _knows_ from the sound of Gina's voice that he doesn't need to. "I'm sorry," he says hoarsely.

"_I don't understand Rick, I thought you were happy. I thought we had something…" _

"We did Gina, a long time ago, we did." There's a pleading in his voice, a last ditch attempt to make her understand, "I never saw it coming either, and I didn't know until I just _knew_." At her long sigh, he thinks _Oh God, you jerk. _

"_The worst part is, I think I knew too. It's always been her… You took a bullet for her; you called out for her…" _

"I did what?"

"_She didn't tell you?" _

"We haven't really talked about much yet." Gina sighs and Rick listens closer.

"_You were barely conscious, right after they wheeled you out of the surgery. I squeezed your hand and said I love you, and you sort of muttered her name. Kate." _

In his bed, miles away, Rick's mind reels. That's what Gina heard, the reason she isn't hovering by his bedside, the reason Kate was there the whole time instead. While the rational part of his brain knows he dodged a bullet, not having to break up with Gina, the bigger, humanly flawed and emotional part of his brain _knows _that isn't the way Kate was to find out he loves her. And that _definitely_ isn't the goodbye that Gina deserves.

"I'm so sorry," is the only thing he can think to say. It's some of the most difficult to words to find, and some of the most meaningless. He can't mend her broken heart with that formality. He hears her take a deep breath and let it out slowly. _Please let it be okay._

She sighs heavily, "so am I Rick."

"I want to stay friends."

"We'll see, I don't know."

He can hear the weariness in her voice and can almost see her rubbing her forehead. He nods. A second later, Rick hears the phone click and he knows she's gone. With a strange sense of finality, he snaps his own phone shut, the effort of the conversation tiring his worn body out. Suddenly exhausted, his eyes close and he's deep asleep in seconds.

When he wakes up a few hours later, he finds Alexis and Kate fast asleep on the cot next to him. His eyes are open only long enough to take in the wonderful sight before he drifts off once again, a smile on his face.

* * *

Kate's hands shake as she walks into the precinct. This has never happened before. She belongs here. But as the elevator carries her up to the floor where her boys and Captain Montgomery are waiting, she can't help but feel a hint of trepidation. It's been nearly two weeks since Rick was shot and she hasn't been to work at all. Montgomery had ordered her to take at least two weeks off, no questions asked, and she'd happily complied for the first time, more than thrilled to take care of Rick instead.

He's doing much better lately, Kate thinks, cheering up instantly. The doctor told them earlier this morning it would only be another week or so before they could take him home.

"Momma's back." Esposito grins at Ryan as Kate walked silently into the bullpen.

Also wearing a wide smile, Ryan greets her, "Beckett…!"

"Hey guys," she laughs, hugging them both, "It's good to be back."

"How's that favorite writer we know?" Ryan asks, handing Kate a coffee.

"You mean the _only_ writer we know?" Esposito corrects at his scowling partner.

Kate smiles at their banter. It was nice to see things hadn't changed much. "Impatient, whiney, petulant…" she trails off with exasperation.

"So in short-" Ryan begins.

"- still a little kid trapped in a man's body. Now with one extra, harmless scar he's gonna brag about every chance he gets," Esposito finishes.

Kate grins and teases them both, "I love it when my kids get along." They both scowl.

"Speaking of _getting along..._" Esposito wiggles his eyebrows suggestively at Kate, "I hear you've been spending a lot of time with the Castles'"

"And what about that _Javier._" She uses the name only Lanie calls him, and she knows she's got him.

Face growing red, and not wanting to get a full blown interrogation about his and Lanie's last date, he murmurs, "nothing."

"Whooo." Ryan raises his hand in a high five to Kate, "good to have you back Beckett."

"What's this I hear? Beckett is back and she doesn't even come and see me?" Kate turns around to see her captain striding towards them from his office, smiling warmly.

Giving him a one armed hug, Kate says, "Morning, sir."

He gives her a piercing look, "How are you?"

"I'm—" Kate bites her lip and breathes in deeply. How had she been really? Scared for Rick, worried about Alexis, nervous to come back, "—fine," she decides with a slight nod.

The boys look at her like they don't believe her and the Captain says, "Mhmm," then points into his office. Reluctantly, Kate follows.

The door closes behind her quietly and she sits down without being asked. "Look, sir. I know there's a lot up in the air right now, with Rick still in the hospital. And me…" Memories of that day come floating unbidden to the forefront of her mind. Pointing the gun and shooting when she shouldn't have. "… well I don't know if Internal Investigations are being—"

"Kate, relax," Montgomery appeases, "In the light of your partner's injury, no criminal charges will be pressed against you for any shots that may or _may not_ have been fired."

Kate nodded somberly, "Thank you."

"That said," he drops the 'Captain' veneer, "_what were you thinking_?"

"I don't know," she whispers back, "I-I saw Rick fall and he was bleeding _everywhere_ and I just… lost it. Roy, I'm scared. I have never, ever, done something so out of protocol before."

Kate stares at her hands while Roy fixes her with a concerned look. "You care about him."

"But, if it were Ryan, or Esposito…" She trails off, a bit confused, "If I were to go – crazy – like that if something happened to them then…"

"You are worried about your abilities as a cop." At her tremulous nod, he continues, "you should stop. You care about Richard Castle in a way that's different from the boys and me, and don't tell me the two of you are still running in circles ignoring it."

She shakes her head. "Rick and I… I dunno…"

"Kate, just get some rest. Not many people can say they saw the one they love get shot."

"I have been," she pressed, "I've been resting for two weeks. I know I'm ready to be back… but Rick."

Roy waves his hand, "as far as the department is concerned, he is your partner. He got shot. He's free to come back when he's recovered. But… whether he wants to, whether you feel comfortable having him continue to shadow you…"

"Right, right," she says distractedly. "Well, um, I have to go see Alexis and… Rick is probably gonna be released from the hospital by the end of the week."

As she stands up, Roy says, "Get him settle in at home, then we'll see about getting you back to work. The boys have just been catching up on paper work for the past week."

At this Kate smiles, "glad to see the crooks of New York have stayed out of trouble for me."

* * *

A half hour later, she sits down in the corner booth of Remy's, one that she and Rick had come to frequent in the past few months. The waitress smiles at her and doesn't both to come over. She knows their order by heart by now. Looking up, she sees the teenager swinging the front door open.

"Kate, hi," Alexis smiles warmly, sitting across from the detective and unwinding the scarf from her neck.

"Hey Alexis, how's school."

The teen takes a sip of the milkshake Kate slid across the table to her, "Not bad. Except, I haven't been really keeping up with homework. It's hard when I wanna go see dad every day. And he sleeps a lot so sometimes I just watch him…. And anyways it's late when I get home and I just wanna go to sleep."

Kate nods understandingly, putting a hand over Alexis's, "We'll bring him home by the end of week."

"Really?"

"Well, as long as he stops annoying the nurses and promises not to pull the IV out every chance he gets."

Alexis chuckles, "Well, it makes it harder for him to write…"

"Oh, is _that_ what he's been doing when no one's there to entertain him?" Kate rolls her eyes, wondering what new adventure Jameson Rook was facing. She has an idea it has to do with Nikki and bed rest.

Alexis nods. "He's lucky to have us."

Kate ignores the blush that rises in her cheeks at the innocent comment. Rick has her? Of course he does. He always had her.

"Listen Alexis, I know these past two weeks were really tough on you. And we, me and Martha, have been so occupied with keeping your father comfortable that no one's really asked you how you've been so… how've you been?"

The teen sighs deeply, "I'll be better once dad's home. The loft is really empty without him. And to be honest, the doctors keep saying he'll be fine, but I'll believe once I see him out of that hospital bed and that gown, you know?"

"I know… and soon, Alexis. I promise." Kate sighs, "and I'm sorry."

Her voice suddenly strong, Alexis replies, "Kate, we've been through this before."

"I know but—"

"—don't."

The slightly relieved detective smiles, "okay."

"Like Gram said. You make him happy, and you're family."

"Thanks." Kate mumbles, her cheeks reddening once again. "Hey, I have an idea. If you're getting too lonely in that big old apartment of yours I could come over."

"Oh, Kate… I can't ask you to."

"It's no problem." Kate smiles, "We can go see your dad together for the afternoon. Then we'll head back to the loft, I'll make you something to eat and we can watch a movie. Or you can catch up with your homework. Whatever you want."

The teen smiles nervously too, "Really?"

"For sure," Kate replies, "So?"

"I'd like that."

Kate nods earnestly, and then remembers what she had specifically wanted to see Alexis for, her smile fading a bit. "There's one more thing we need to talk about. Captain Montgomery has left it up to me and your father, to decide whether he'll be continuing to shadow me."

"Are you gonna let him?" Alexis asks.

"Depends on you." Kate says, "If you're scared. If you don't want him to anymore, then I'll go and tell him that the Captain said it's not happening. And that'll be that. It doesn't mean I won't see you anymore."

Kate waits, watching the teen swallow her words, then continues, "but if you think you're okay with it, then me and Rick will talk about it and decide."

Alexis falters, "I-I don't know. What do you think?"

"Well, he's not my dad, so I can't really say." Kate says quietly, biting her lip.

"But you love him."

A very honest look passes between the detective and the teenager. "I do, very much."

"If he keeps shadowing you again, what are the chances he could get hurt again?"

Kate sighs; this was the million dollar question. "Things would change, that's for sure. For starters, he wouldn't be allowed on chases and any situation that's likely to become a shootout. He'll be wearing a vest whenever I say, which might be all the time, and he'll probably stay in the precinct more and have a more consulting role, rather than pseudo-cop."

Alexis nods, pondering. "Following you is his life, Kate. I don't want to take that away from him so… whatever you guys decide."

Tears prick Kate's eyes at the trust Alexis has placed in her. About the most important thing in her life. Her father's life. She simply nods.

"What, are you gonna cry, detective?" Alexis tilts her head, grinning.

Kate laughs tearfully as well, reaching across the table the share a hug with Alexis, "don't tell your dad."


	7. Chapter 7

_Thanks for all your favorites and alerts. Your support here means the world to me :) _

_Disclaimer: if you recognize them, they're not mine. And so that leaves... nothing. _

* * *

Chapter 7

After Kate got rid of the tears in her eyes, she got around to actually eating lunch with the teen. As they worked their way through the table full of food that she and Rick usually ordered, they took to laughing about the silliest things, praising the newest Harry Potter movie, and making plans for when Rick was back on his feet. Sitting there, laughing with Alexis, gave Kate a whole new sense of normalcy that she hadn't gotten from spending sleepless nights with the teen, both diligently watching her father's breathing. While the latter sure brought them closer together, the former, holding each other up with food and laughter, touched Kate's heart.

Now, driving home from the diner to change out of her work clothes – she'd really thought she'd be spending the day at the precinct – the smile remains on Kate's face. Rick is lucky to have a daughter like that. She weaves her way through the midday traffic, eager to get home and back to the hospital where she can meet Rick and Alexis. She pulls into her apartment parking lot before she knows it.

"Glad I picked the place close to work," Kate mutters to herself. "And now I'm talking to myself. _Wonderful._"

She shakes her head, unlocking her apartment door. It's dark inside and even the furniture smells of disuse. It's been a while since she's done anything but sleep in this space, appreciating it for its convenience rather than its coziness. She spends most of her evenings in Castle's loft anyways, hashing out ideas for his books, hanging with Alexis, or just working a case.

Shaking away the thoughts of how much Richard Castle has come to invade her life, she makes quick work of changing into a comfortable pair of jeans and a long sleeve shirt. On her way back out the door she sees her reflection in the mirror. She looks… plain, in jeans that aren't the pair she knows shows off her ass, and a dark blue, solid colored shirt that's not revealing and not special. The only jewelry she's wearing is her mother's ring around her neck. For a split second, she considers heading back and changing into something else, but when that split second ends she scoffs. It's Rick and his daughter. Rick who loves her and his daughter who's amazing.

Immediately, she expels thoughts of _he loves me_ from her mind, as she'd gotten used to doing every time he mentioned it in the last two weeks. "You're officially going crazy, Katherine Beckett."

"… and so then Ashley said that he totally understood, and that if his dad was moving back home from the hospital in the weekend, he wouldn't want to go out either. So then I said…"

As Kate makes her way down the hospital hallway, bearing the store bought tray of muffins she'd picked up on the way, she hears Alexis railing off details about her life way before she reaches the now familiar room. Her clicking heels alert them to her presence.

"Hi Kate!" Alexis smiles at Kate immediately from her perch at the end of Rick's bed. "I was just telling dad how excited we are to have him home this weekend."

"Mhmm," Kate smiles, putting down the muffins on Rick's bedside table, "only if he's good."

"You brought me a present?" Rick grins widely at her from his hospital bed. "C'mere." He beckons.

She rolls her eyes, coming to sit on his bed with Alexis. "Don't get too excited. It's just muffins. Figured you were getting sick of pudding and milkshakes."

"One can never be sick of milkshakes." Rick says wisely, reaching for a muffin. He's about to put it in his mouth before Alexis plucks it from his fingers, earning a pout.

"Are you sure you can eat solid food?" She asks, taking a bite of the apple cinnamon muffin her father had picked out.

"Yes!" He protests, "give it back!"

"Kate, what do you think?" Alexis and Kate share a teasing smile.

The amused detective fakes seriousness. "Oh, I don't know. We better wait for the doctor to make sure. Just hold off for now, Castle."

"Cruel woman, bringing me baked goods and refusing to let me consume them. It's a blasphemy," he declares. Neither woman misses the joke in his voice.

"Have this," Kate grins apologetically, pushing a pudding cup towards the fake-annoyed writer, and reaching for a muffin for herself. "And don't give me that look. It's not like I baked them myself, writer boy."

He ignores the moniker. Intrigued instead by another layer of the Beckett Onion. "You can bake?" he asks, surprised.

She laughs, "No. My mom tried to teach me a while back, but after I nearly set the kitchen on fire for the third time, she gave up." Her eyes cloud over, lost in the memory for a second.

'That sounds nice," Alexis says. "You know, dad's the same way with baking."

"Really?" Kate asks, intrigued, while Rick gapes at his daughter, spluttering. "And here he's been bragging about his cooking to the boys at the precinct all these years."

"Oh, cooking yes. But there's something about the inside of a hot oven that makes him want to put his hand on it."

The girls laugh, and Rick splutters good naturedly about being ganged up on.

"You know Ashley taught me how to make some _pretty good_ cupcakes," Alexis adds.

"Whoa whoa whoa," Rick interrupts out of the blue. "Cupcakes isn't code for anything else is it?"

In the next instance, a number of things happen. Alexis rolls her eyes, completely embarrassed. Kate bursts out laughing, and both of them smack Rick on the shoulder.

"Dad! Ew." Alexis shakes her head, as though she was thoroughly disappointed in him. "When have I ever given you any reason to believe that 'cupcakes' was referring to anything other than – baked goods."

"Yeah Castle," Kate teases. They both smack him again. "Don't tell me you're suspecting this perfect daughter of yours."

"Okay! Okay!" He agrees, "I'm injured here. And I was kidding – Kidding!" He raises his arms to protect his ears defensively.

"Like I was saying before dad started _kidding._" Alexis gives her dad one more glare, "if you two kids wanna learn someday, I'll teach you."

Rick and Kate share a secret smile. They were both having the same image in mind's eye. The scene of the three of them, maybe Martha too, shuffling around the kitchen gathering ingredients, arguing over which color icing looked the best, and then stuffing their faces with their own creations and dissolving into gales of laughter on the breakfast bar. The thought warms both their hearts. When had life started to turn out this way? If someone had told them, three years ago, that the most domesticated afternoon would seem like the most natural thing in the world, both of them would've laughed.

"That sounds great Alexis, maybe we'll do it when your father's home." Kate reaches an arm out and wraps it around the teen's shoulders. Their heads bump together and they laugh, Rick looking on with a tender look in his eyes.

"It's great you guys are getting along." He says simply.

Kate and Alexis look at each other, and in a split second they both decide not to tell him how close they'd gotten. Or how they'd gotten that way. Keeping vigilance by his bed was not exactly the regular way of getting to know your partner's daughter. "Yeah it is," Kate agrees.

The laughter in the room may have stopped, but the warmth it spread stayed in the room, permeating every corner, blurring out the medical equipment and concentrating on the three sitting on the bed until that's all they can see. Kate draws her legs up from beneath her, hugging her knees and resting her chin on them. She watches happily as Rick and Alexis banter the afternoon away, the writer keeping up with the teenager tease for tease, joke for joke, despite his recently recovering from a gunshot wound.

The next time Kate checks her watch, hours had passed, and so had the evening rush hour traffic. Though she hates to tear the teen away from her father, she'd promised her dinner and whatever else she wanted.

"Alexis," she interrupts with a smile, "as entertaining as your father is, it's 7pm, and we should probably be getting you home soon." Soothingly, she runs a hand through Alexis's long hair, having seen Rick do the same thing a few days ago. Alexis blushes slightly at the touch, and Kate knows she's still getting used to her presence in her life.

"Home, as in the loft?" Alexis grins widely. "You called it home."

"I think I heard that too." Rick teases.

"Stop ganging up on me, or I'm changing my mind and kidnapping your daughter to my apartment." Kate informs him without missing a beat.

"Alright, alright." Rick acquiesces right away. "I've seen the contents of your fridge and I wouldn't want her to starve."

It's Kate's turn to blush, but Alexis saves her from having to answer Rick's continuing uncomfortable questions by getting up from the bed. She walks over to her father's side and kisses him lightly on the cheek. "Kate's right, I have to go catch up with some homework," she declares brightly. "I'll wait for you outside?" She directs the question at Kate, who nods.

After Alexis leaves the room, a momentary silence falls between Rick and Kate, who stands up and makes her way slowly closer to him. "Hey." She mutters, trailing a finger down his cheek.

"Hey." He echoes. Impulsively, Rick caught her hand and brought is close to his lips, smirking at the blush that coloured her cheeks once again. "I could get used to that."

She says nothing because she knows she could too. Maybe she's already gotten used to being close to Rick. Maybe she's so used to it she can't live without it anymore. "Yeah, I'm glad you didn't die," is what she finally settles on.

His hand stays twined with hers. "Me too."

"That doesn't mean next time you couldn't." The words rush out of her mouth without passing her brain and she almost wants to smack herself. Now's not the time.

"I know," he says quietly, "but it's the same for you."

She shakes her head right away. "_You _have a family, a-a daughter. I'm a cop."

"You have a family and you're a cop." He corrects. "You have me and Alexis and mother."

Kate looks embarrassed, but Rick continues. "Listen, you're taking my daughter home, to my apartment, to cook her dinner and let her get some peace and quiet to keep up on the homework she can't do in a hospital room. That's more than her mother's ever done."

"I'm happy to. You have a wonderful daughter."

"Keep this up and you may get her to fall in love you like I am." He says absentmindedly, toying with her fingers.

"You say that like it's a bad thing." Kate teases, settling down next to him.

"mmm…" he hums, kissing her hand again, "just don't ever leave."

_Don't ever leave._ Kate lets the words take root in her mind. They sound natural coming out of Rick's mouth, a simple request, easily fulfilled. But for her, it's a huge step. It means diving in, head first, removing that one foot from outside the door she usually keeps as a safe guard, fearless, with him. She can't say it doesn't scare her and exhilarate her at the same time, but Kate knows there's no one other than Rick she'd want to take the risk with.

"I'll try." She breathes, as truthfully as she can.

"What's going to happen to us at work?"

She thinks for a second. Selfishly, Kate wants Rick to keep shadowing her, and she knows the boys at the precinct want the same thing. Rick has a way of shedding humour and hope on what seemed like desperate situations. He knew how to keep them feeling human after a day chasing a ghost of a killer. He's smart, and he has insight that no one else can muster. They've come to need him.

At the same time, Kate doesn't know if she can take another incident like this. Doesn't know if she can tell Martha one more time, or hold Alexis as she cried for her dad.

"I don't know yet."

He nods, "I trust you, Kate."

Smiling at him, despite the indecision hanging in the air between them, she says, "I know, and me too." Slowly, Kate lowers herself closer to him, their lips inches from meeting.

"Hey," Alexis yells, peeking around the doorway with her hands firmly over her eyes. "Teenage daughter waiting outside?"

Kate's forehead lands on Rick's instead, both of them chuckling softly. "She always did have the best timing."

Alexis keeps up a steady stream of chatter with Kate as she unlocks the front door to her and Rick's loft. Kate smiles as she notices the picture dangling from her keychain. "Is that Ashley?"

Slightly flushed, Alexis pushes open the door. "Yeah," she confirms, "we took that one the day we spent up at the beach last summer. Sorry about the mess," she adds, looking around.

Kate's eyes sweep around the living room, falling on the pile of blankets on the couch, the DVD player still popped open, and a slightly wobbly stack of movies on the edge of the coffee table.

"I meant to clean up a little," Alexis continues, nervously rambling, "I guess I forgot."

"I've been here how many times?" Kate raises an eyebrow, "don't worry, Alexis."

"Yeah I know, but dad always keeps things so clean and organized when you're around."

Kate smiles at Alexis before popping open a door of a cupboard in the kitchen. She laughs and ducks when a book falls out of the crammed contents. "I had a feeling this was Rick's idea of organization." She grinned.

"Dad always was a secret slob."

The two women giggle, more at the prospect of having Rick home soon than because of finding a book where it shouldn't be, but it feels natural nonetheless.


End file.
